Updated: May 18, 2021
I was having a conversation with a friend one time about the circumstances around the end of her relationship. She was struggling to come to terms with that fact that the relationship was actually over. She was still holding onto a glimmer of hope that "this could work." And then she asked me the question...
"How do I know when it is time to let go of him?"
I took a breath before I answered. I could tell that the minute I opened my mouth she assumed I had a solution, but instead I had a question...
"Why do you feel like he's yours to hold onto?"
She took a moment to think before she answered, completely caught off guard. If she didn't know me personally, I'm more than sure she would've been offended by the question.
"I really feel like he's my soul mate," she said. "Yeah but how does that make him yours?" I could tell from the puzzled look on her face that she wasn't following where I was going.
There's a quote that pops into the front of my mind sometimes.
"People go where they want to go,so let them go."
I knew the quote for a long time but it never quite resonated with me until the moment I realized that I was in a relationship and I wasn't where that person wanted to go. So my love for them allowed me to let them go. Because I wanted that person to go where they wanted to go. Of course it hurt that it wasn't me, but I finally realized, after years of self worth issues, that not being chosen by someone else doesn't take away any of my value. It just made space to fill up with what is aligned to appreciate my value.
In my reality, it was obvious where things were headed and I desperately tried to reverse the direction. I wanted so bad to be "home" for that individual. (and quite honestly, that was the case in all my relationships except for the one I am in currently.) I had issues with attachment and co-dependency, especially with allowing external forces to determine my internal feelings about myself.
The shift happened when I sought out, discovered, and grew into loving and enjoying the home within myself. I was suddenly a person I've never been before. Someone who didn't need to be chosen or loved in order to feel whole. And yet, on the other hand, I realize the honor of being chosen. But if suddenly the person that chose you changes their mind... and if your love is unconditional, honor that choice and surrender. People choose us, we choose people,
we own no one but ourselves.
Surrender vs Control
Hold on or Set it Free
Value What Stays & Accept what leaves
Letting someone go where they want to go is a reflection of unconditional love. There is no "condition" of choosing me or a life with me in it. You do not cage the bird. You have to allow it to spread its wings and choose it's home. Caging the bird creates a prisoner of love. Setting the bird free offers you the same freedom, to not only choose where you want to go, but see the truth in who's genuinely choosing you.
Brittany S. Hall